Note: Before reading this post, please note that this started out as a personal writing piece that I never really intended to share, but I decided to put it out there, anyway. I normally write about technology, education, science, or ethics, things that affect everyone. I have avoided personal stuff here for the most part, but I have decided to share this.
In the time since I graduated from high school in 2006, I have struggled to figure out what it is, exactly, that I want to do with my life. I think that most people struggle with this question. Some even struggle with it until the day they die.
When I first launched into college, I was a freshman at Indiana University-Purdue University at Indianapolis, a commuter campus in downtown Indy. I was not completely of my major, which was geology at the time. It just seemed like an area that I was somewhat interested in and that I could get through with relative ease. After my first semester, I started to reevaluate my options.
Before I started at IUPUI, I considered attending Indiana University’s main campus in Bloomington, about 90 minutes from my home and family. It was also slightly more expensive as I was living with my family and did not have to pay room and board at IUPUI.
After falling asleep a few times in my only geology course and not really getting into the subject like I had planned, I realized that that was probably not the area for me. So, in February 2007, in my second college semester, I applied for an inter-campus transfer to IUB and changed my major to Astronomy/Astrophysics.
In the fall of 2007, I had one astronomy course and I loved it. It was a Monday-Wednesday-Friday course that started at 8:45am, pretty early for me. Still, the material was fascinating and I loved every minute of it. I really got into the course.
The other courses were not as thrilling. I had to take a liberal arts class, in gender studies. It was a relatively easy course and I showed up and did pretty well. Still I tolerated it.
I took a 200-level introductory physics course for science majors, which went smoothly enough. Some of the material was challenging and frustrating at times. Still, I think I am better for having taken that course.
That fall ‘07 semester brought me the only F I have ever earned in a course, EVER. It was Calculus I. having taken several years of algebra and pre-calculus courses, I was not accustomed to calculus’ different notation and wildly different concepts. Coupled with homesickness and a bit of depression, I did not do well enough in that course to pass. In a four-month semester, my GPA had slipped from a 3.7 to a 1.8.
Despite wanting to remain at IUB and work on my astronomy degree, I recognized that I was not performing academically and burning through my college savings twice as fast as I was at IUPUI. With no astronomy degree program at IUPUI, I changed my major to Informatics and moved back in with my parents.
The Informatics decision was an interesting one. I think it was a decision made through pragmatism, rather than passion. I was told that most employers just want to see a bachelor’s degree on your résumé, no matter what it is in. Compared to that one semester in the astronomy program, six semesters in the informatics program was a cakewalk.
The courses were so easy that I could take 16 or 17 credit hours, work full time, and not really be pressed for time or energy. I was exposed to programming languages, information organization, applying technology to the real world, and a few other things while in the IU School of Informatics.
I learned a great deal, but through all of that, I could not shake the nagging feeling that it was all bullshit. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the program and the people I worked with. However, I did not really know what my major was about. None of the informatics courses that I took really provided a clue. They were really all over the place.
My interest in astronomy never really went away. After two and a half years, two jobs, an internship, and graduation, I was still thinking about that elusive astronomy degree. On the cusp of graduation in May 2010, I was weighing my options. I still had about $20,000 to work with if I wanted to continue my education. I had an option: continue down the Informatics path with a master’s degree in Human-Computer Interaction or go back to Bloomington and earn my Astronomy/Astrophysics degree.
After a friend pointed out that, with an advanced degree, I could make enough money to send myself back into the astronomy program, I went with the HCI option and later took a PHP development job in Carmel, on Indianapolis’ north side. I planned on working full-time and going to grad school full-time.
I was quickly overwhelmed at my job, and then again in school. There simply were not enough hours in the day for me to eat, sleep, go to work, go to class, and prepare for the next class. After the fifth week of classes, I dropped all three of my HCI courses so I would have more time for work and also because my interest in it had been waning in the several months after I applied.
So, here I am in my cubicle at MediaSauce, less then three days away from an important deadline on a site, really wishing I was not here and regretting some of the decisions I made, but not regretting the things that I have learned from them. I firmly believe that everyone should find something that gives their life meaning and make that their life’s work. This is reflected in a speech that Steve Jobs made in a speech at the 2005 Stanford University commencement ceremony.
I have a rough plan on the drawing board that will get me out of this gig and into one that is less ambitious, one that will let me work on my continued education. I plan on returning to Bloomington as a part- or ¾-time student, while working an easier job that does not demand so much of my time or energy.
My prospective major? Astronomy/Astrophysics of course, with a master’s degree following. I had already planned on doing this, just not this soon. HCI is out of the way and the major that I have wanted for three years is within reach. I do not expect it to be easy, but, with the work and study skills that I have picked up, along with some other life experience, it might be easier now than it was last time. I was told by the undergrad Astronomy advisor at IUB that department heads are more likely to accept students going for their second bachelor’s degree because they have already proven they have what it takes to get through that degree program.
If I start next semester, Spring 2011, I could theoretically have my astronomy degree by May 2013. With the part-time job I am trying to get, I would be able to cover all of my living expenses, possibly even my tuition.
When I communicated this plan to my mother, she seemed concerned that I was aimless moving from thing to thing, without any idea of what I want to do. I am 23 years old. I have no idea what I want to do. I just know that I have over $15,000 in savings, some respectable technical skills that can be applied to a part-time job, a passion for science and science education, and a renewed determination to
earn my Astronomy degree.
When I asked for an alternative to my solution, besides remaining in the job that I don’t really like, she had nothing. If someone points out the risk in your reasonably well-laid life plan and cannot offer an alternative, it’s best to tell that person to STFU and then move on.
“Your work is going to fill a large part of your life and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work and the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking and don’t settle.”
-Steve Jobs, 2005 Stanford Commencement Address