Bathroom Nonsense

1 05 2008

I am generally a pretty forgiving and understanding person. If someone does something to annoy me, I am usually eager to let it go. If some transgression against me occurs, I will voice my feelings and move on. However, when something small goes on for a while, I make the repeated mistake of letting it fester and annoy me. I decided that I had to let this one out somehow. So, here I am. Witness my display of passive aggression.

When I was in the shower today, I noticed something that I had noticed a few times before: a lone pubic hair clinging to the tile. In a shower, this is not to be unexpected. However, there was something peculiar about its placement. It was not where one would expect to find a pubic hair. It was not near the caulking where the tile starts and the tub ends. It was not even at genital-level. It was at eye-level. Initially, I did not think much of it. Then, as I often do, I began to question it. Why is there a pube that high up? Was he trying to climb to the top to see what was up there? Did someone have some kind of sick pube-pushing game on the tiling? Maybe what happened was it was launched there. NASA has been sending people into space for decades. Why wouldn’t a lone individual be able to launch their pubic hair three feet? Yes, that must be it! Rocket pubes! Someone in my family has been gifted with a miniature version of Cape fucking Canaveral above their naughty parts! “T-minus 3, 2, 1, blastoff!” The proud, brave pube lifts off from its home, soaring ever higher, until, until, SPLAT! It hits the tile at an altitude of 5.5 feet and gets stuck there. Seriously, that is nasty. If your pubes are launching themselves like little rocket ships, you need to get yourself checked out, because that is not healthy.

In other pubic hair/bathroom news, someone in my family does not use a washcloth. I know it’s not me, because I am there for my daily showers and I use one every single time. It is my belief and opinion that when sharing a home and a bar of soap with three other people, that one should pay the others a common courtesy and use a washcloth. You may be asking, “Well, Patrick, how can you tell someone is not using a washcloth and why is it such a big deal to you?” Because, my friends and colleagues, every single, fucking day, I find at least one medium-length, black, curly hair embedded in the bar of soap. In addition, no one in my family has such hair on their heads. So, I must assume it came from south of the border. Once the realization is made that one is trying to cleanse oneself with soap that is constantly covered with someone else’s pubic hair, the sanitation issues become readily apparent. I find this lack of hygienic courtesy to be troubling, not just in the sense that I am rubbing someone else’s pubes in my face on a daily basis, but that an adult would not see the need to keep their pubic hair out of the communal soap. That is very disturbing and upsetting.

Thank you for your time.

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